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Now They're Cookin'

Avalanche players trade hockey sticks for spatulas in a kitchen competition that stirs up plenty of laughs

(from the Rocky Mountain News)

Teammates Ian Laperriere and Paul Stastny watch intently as executive chef Elise Wiggins of Panzano restaurant demonstrates how to prepare squid.

(Photo by Barry Gutierrez/Rocky Mountain News)

By Marty Meitus

Rocky Mountain News

January 23, 2008 - He may be a pro on ice, but when it comes to facing the heat of a cooking competition, Colorado Avalanche defenseman Brett Clark feels the pressure:

"I hope my mother doesn't watch. I've lived on my own long enough that you think I'd know how to cook. I'm just trying not to make a fool of myself."

Clark is among the Avs players and coaches taking part in an Iron Chef-style competition being taped at a show kitchen at the Roth Concept Center. Five-minute video segments of the culinary matches air on the Altitude TV network before Avs games and on the scoreboard video screens during games at the Pepsi Center. You can watch the full 30-minute segment of What's Cookin' on Altitude (see Altitude.TV for a streaming video link and broadcast times).

In each segment, four players or coaches divide into teams of two, preparing recipes under the guidance of Elise Wiggins of Panzano restaurant, who doubles as a judge. Kyle Keefe, the show's emcee and Altitude sports anchor - and the other judge - gives Wiggins an atta-girl. "It's good to have a woman present. It breaks up all the testosterone."

The chef-players have 20 minutes to cut, chop, heat and serve.

"Twenty minutes?" asks defenseman John-Michael Liles. "Even the chefs at Olive Garden can't get the food out in 20 minutes."

Just to keep it interesting, Keefe interrupts from time to time, blindfolding a player to taste and identify a mystery ingredient, or tossing out trivia questions for extra points.

On this particular day, two episodes are being shot. The first pits forwards Ryan Smyth and Ian Laperriere against goalie Jose Theodore and Paul Stastny, the former University of Denver star who's leading his team in points this season. The second episode sets up a North American face-off: American-born Liles and Wyatt Smith against Canada natives Clark and Ben Guite.

In the first segment, Laperriere reveals his cooking prowess right away, asking, "Where's the microwave?"

Replies Keefe, "We don't have the tool of the devil here."

Wiggins gives a brief primer on the dishes they'll be preparing, including an apple tart. "You're gonna peel the apples," she begins.

Stastny jumps in with his advanced cooking knowledge. "Where's the potato peeler thing?" he asks.

"You have a knife," Wiggins says. "You won't find a peeler. We want to see your knife skills."

She demonstrates cleaning squid to make fried calamari, a task that involves sticking a finger in a slimy tube to check for quills.

"Do we have to touch that?" Theodore asks.

"This doesn't look like what I order," Stastny says.

The second group has a little more of a slap-shot attitude as they attempt the same recipes as group one. Liles enters like a prize fighter, sporting his own chef's jacket and hat. "You might not recognize me," he says, "due to my dapper appearance."

Once the competition begins, the insults fly fast and furious. Says Liles to Smith, "Wash your fat fingers. They're like a sausage. You can't even get your fingers inside the calamari."

In a ready-for-my-closeup moment, Liles takes the calamari with its stringy arms and body and hangs it from under his jacket sleeve. When the laughs die down, Keefe asks Liles if he'll eat some of the discarded calamari for $10. "No," says Liles, "I won't even eat my cooking."

The cooking is somewhat incidental to the plot. "I mixed in some tomato and some leaves, whatever they're called," says Clark, explaining his procedure. But he's not taking any chances. He comes up with a beer for the judge. Not to be outdone, Liles produces two bottles of wine.

It's a little hard to say who won and who lost in each of the competitions, with all the horseplay. But Wiggins gives it a valiant try, naming Smyth and Laperriere winners for presentation while Theodore and Stastny win for taste.

That leads to a trivia tie-breaker from Keefe: "What character did Angelina Jolie play in the Tomb Raider?" Smyth and Laperriere shout out "Lara Croft" first, winning the match.

There are no sour grapes here, though. Says Theodore, "I really do think the chef thought ours was better. She was just being nice, so it was really no contest."

In the second show, Liles and Smith win for taste, while Clark and Guite win in presentation. The tie- breaker? Liles and the two bottles of wine. Says Keefe, "I'm all about the bribes."

After the final buzzer has sounded, it's all about the learning experience.

"I learned I need to pick easier recipes," Clark says. "But I think I did make my mother proud."