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Talking Trash

(from the Windsor Star)

By Scott Cruickshank

CanWest News Service

March 7, 2008 - Ian Laperriere had it all figured out - he would yap-yap his way through the National Hockey League.

So, under-sized and over-stoked, the brash youngster began letting rivals know exactly what he was going to do and exactly how he was going to do it. In both of Canada's official languages.

But in those days, the mid-1990s, the hired hands had a knack for turning down the volume.

See Lappy get lippy.

See Lappy get lumpy.

"Yeah, I was one of those who, at one point, had to back it up," Laperriere was saying the other day, "and I got quieted down a little bit."

Who straightened you out?

"Ha! Who didn't?" retorts Laperriere, laughing. "Put it that way. Everybody."

Laperriere, assistant captain of the Colorado Avalanche, still makes noise, but there was a lesson learned. His nose, an off-centred gnarl, is proof.

"It comes with experience - you think you're going to get away with stuff like that, like you do in junior," says Laperriere. "But here? These guys are men. You can't do that for a long time. If you want to have a short career? Go ahead, be my guest. But if you want to stick around, you've got to quiet down."

Asked who's talking trash nowadays, he doesn't hesitate.

"Alex Burrows, in Vancouver," says Laperriere. "He's the guy who will have the last word. But it's his second year in the NHL and at one point..."

He finishes with a knowing nod.

A few days after Laperriere's comments, Burrows goads Detroit Red Wings' ruffian Aaron Downey. Part of the stick-jousting fracas - in the warm-up yet! - includes Burrows calling Downey "chubby" and teasing him about eating too many french fries.

Chalk up another one for the taunters.

"Annoying, frustrating - little guys are the ones with the smartest mouths," says Anaheim's George Parros. "The fighters, the heavyweights, we do our talking with our fists and bodies. Little guys do the most talking and (crap) disturbing because they've found a spot in the new NHL where an agitator is a valued asset. They stir the pot. They get under the other team's skin.

"But it will catch up to them eventually."

Burrows, of course, isn't alone.

Not by a long shot.

Some players happily point out the owners of the league's liveliest mouths - Sean Avery, Steve Ott, Ryan Kesler, Matt Cooke, Jarkko Ruutu, Jared Boll, Jordin Tootoo, Corey Perry, Darcy Tucker, Zach Stortini, Steve Downie, Dion Phaneuf, and Burrows - while others stubbornly stay mum.

"I'm not going to reward anybody on that junk," says veteran Anaheim forward Doug Weight. "Verbal crap is part of the game, whether you like it or not. What the hell are you going to do?"

Weight's take, a common one, is that trash-talking is down - except for one saucy segment.

"I'm sure it's a cyclical phase," says Weight. "But there's definitely a crop of guys that have come in in the last five years...and they want to disrupt you from the first drop of the puck. Not just physically - by hitting you late or throwing their stick around - but they're going to go by your bench and talk. They're going to talk after whistles. They're going to try to be as disruptive as they can verbally. Whatever.

"It's almost like when your kids are being disruptive, you can tune them out."

And like kids, maybe there'll be a maturity factor. At least, that's the hope of Jason Chimera.

"There's always going to be the (on-ice) screw-yous, but the younger breed seems more lippy," he says. "It seems like when you play in the league so many years, you get a respect for guys."

Chimera's teammate on the Columbus Blue Jackets is one of these johnny-come-loudlies - Boll. The 21-year-old freshman backs it up, having already spiked his gloves 22 times.

He makes no apologies for cheekiness.

"I talk a bit out on the ice, on the bench. I haven't changed at all since I've been here," says the baby-faced Boll, who, one year ago, was doing his squawking on behalf of the Plymouth Whalers of the Ontario Hockey League. "Off the ice, it's weird. I'm not like that at all."

Even staring an inevitable day of reckoning, Boll refuses to stuff a sock in it.

"You really can't be intimidated by someone trying to stop you," he says. "It's not like I plan out what I'm going to say. Whatever comes out, comes out."

With occasional shame, too. Boll knows he's ventured into no-no land more than once. "Some stuff...you don't mean it. Obviously, you're sorry for it."

But codes, apparently, are made to be violated.

"Sometimes people talk about guys' wives - that's pretty gutless," Chimera says. "Anything else is fair game."

For instance?

"How you play, how you skate, what you make, what your hair looks like," says Boll. "I mean, whatever comes into your mind. But not family stuff."

Calgary Flames policeman Eric Godard says he doesn't make it personal, sticking to "just the normal profanities."

And Robyn Regehr once zinged Parros by calling him Yanni, the hairy-lipped pianist and composer. That's OK (not to mention oddly accurate).

Not OK, however, is muttering something about Ma Parker.

"I don't want somebody talking about my mom," says a dead-serious Scott Parker, the veteran Colorado Avalanche winger. "I'm not going to go there about somebody else's, either. So there's a respect factor. If guys cross that line...there is a time and a place for everything. When that times arises, we do what we do."

What isn't so hot, what isn't so G-rated, is what pops out of Avery's pie-hole.

"He's got a pretty smart mouth," says Parros. "He's definitely not afraid to cross the line. That's why he has no respect from most of the guys in the league, including myself."

Says Mark Smith of Avery: "Verbal diarrhea."

Of course, there can be flashes of genuine humour.

One of Mark Smith's favourite carves: "Are those your teeth or is your tongue in jail?"

Regehr, too, has heard howlers, "but you don't want to laugh too loud because sometimes it's about a teammate - and sometimes it's about you."

Stars aren't innocent, either.

Brendan Shanahan's one-liners are legendary. Sidney Crosby can yip.

And how many times have you seen Jarome Iginla finger out his mouthguard, then unleash on a rival? Heck, when he captured the 2002 Lester B. Pearson Award - which, voted on by the NHLers themselves, goes to the top player - Iginla's acceptance speech included a trash-talk apology.

But when the rank-and-file gripes about motor-mouths these days, the culprits are youngsters with more skedaddle than skill in their duffel bags.

"It almost seems like it's their job," says Parker. "They'll beak, beak, beak - then not back it up. It would be nice to bring back the old school."

Weight takes it a step further, saying an enemy smack-down shouldn't be necessary to preserve peace.

"It used to be that you'd be quieted down from your own team," says Weight. "It would be, 'Hey, shut the (heck) up. Or go fight. One of the two.' You were patrolled in your own locker-room. But that's gone."

Along, seemingly, with Weight's respect.

"Certain guys from the outside - you don't want to even deal with them, you don't want to meet them, you don't want to have them on your team," he says. "Through junior they beaked. Some guys stop when they get to the NHL. Others say, 'Hey, this is what got me here. I've got to keep going if I want a paycheque.' "

A shrug of confusion.

"So you know what? Who am I to judge?"

A beaker's dozen of trash-talkers
1. Sean Avery, New York Rangers - Undisputed king/clown of potty-mouthed noise.
2. Alex Burrows, Vancouver Canucks - Loud patter a point of pride for chirping checker.
3. Steve Ott, Dallas Stars - Pepperpot drives opponents batty with non-stop barbs.
4. Jared Boll, Columbus Blue Jackets - Freshman fighting plenty, talking even more.
5. Zach Stortini, Edmonton Oilers - Makes up for lack of originality with loud repetition.
6. Corey Perry, Anaheim Ducks - Supplements sneaky antics with sharp tongue.
7. Ryan Kesler, Vancouver Canucks - Speaks up when linemate Burrows takes a breath.
8. Dion Phaneuf, Calgary Flames - "Does he ever stop talking?" wondered one player.
9. Jordin Tootoo, Nashville Predators - Battering before the whistle; chattering after it.
10. Jarkko Ruutu, Pittsburgh Penguins - Knows which buttons to push. Ask Chris Simon.
11. Darcy Tucker, Toronto Maple Leafs - Older, slower, but still relishes cracking wise.
12. Matt Cooke, Washington Capitals - Western Conference happy to see his lip move eastward.
13. Steve Downie, Philadelphia Flyers - Brash newcomer sporting rowdy reputation already.